I have been single for four years. As in, barely been on a date single.
Now before you think this is a pity party post, here’s the truth: I choose to be single.
My last relationship taught me a lot about myself, the kind of woman I want to become, and the qualities I desire in my next relationship. I’ve learned so much about myself over the years and am thankful for this season in life because I wouldn’t have been able to acquire and mature in these lessons any other way. If you’re single, take advantage of this time! It’s not meant to be bitter and resentful but rather productive and for self-discovery.
To all my single ladies,
#1) Focus on who you are/all that you want to become/what you want to do without distractions. This is not meant to sound selfish. If you’re like me, you may have a list of dreams as long as a Sunday grocery list. The saying “keep your eyes on the prize” (aka His prize) has more meaning to me than a “Hey what’s up” text. Determining this reminds me not to reconcile my goals and passions in my future relationship. Don’t regret not accomplishing something just because you’re with someone.
#2) Prepare yourself for commitment. Dating is synonymous with commitment and marriage (although the world doesn’t view it as such). It’s intentional. It’s okay if you’re not ready because of #1. If God has not called you to be committed to a WHO, focus on what He has called you to DO.
#3) Set your standards. I once heard someone say, “Run as close and as fast to Christ as possible and if someone happens to keep up, introduce yourself.” One of my biggest desires is that I will be challenged daily by the man God sends me in heavenly-ordained callings and through the everyday mundane tasks. Someone that inspires and encourages me to pursue excellence as a believer and everything else that I set my hands to. With that said:
- Never settle. If you have any thought in your mind that you can do better then leave. It’s not a bad thing to have high standards. The Bible tells us we are more precious than rubies (Proverbs 3:15). Or diamonds. Or gold. Or one billion dollars. You wouldn’t put a 99 cent sticker on a diamond, would you? You’re worth more. Believe that God will provide you with someone who knows it.
- Don’t compromise. Your beliefs and morals make up who you beautifully are. Please hold on to them. This world needs more people like you. If someone wants you to compromise, that’s a red light.
#4) Patience is a virtue. As humans we desire to be loved but we try to obtain it purely on feelings. The mushy-gushy love we know in the media has set this standard on getting it fast without substance then we wonder why that relationship fails. Scripture says, “Do not arouse or awaken love until is so desires,” (Song of Songs 2:7). Lasting love is possessive, persevering, protective, and peaceful. Why rush that?
#5) Pursue Christ. As Ellie DuHadway quoted, these years of singleness is a romance in itself. Do all that you can to grow closer to Him- study His Word daily, journal, seek God’s guidance in prayer, serve others. This is the best relationship you’ll have in your entire lifetime because it stretches out into eternity.
Being single does not mean you’re lonely, unsuccessful, behind, unattractive, or boring. Don’t allow thoughts of comparison and the unknown future swallow you up into feeling worthless. This is the best time to work at being the best version of you. Do more of things while you have the time: travel, write, paint, read, play an instrument, learn a new language, hone your skills, celebrate with your other single girlfriends, and most importantly, fall in love with the God who created you every single day.
“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”
– 1 Corinthians 7:32-35